Commitment is:
"The act of binding yourself intellectually and
emotionally to a course of action."

 

Are You Committed?
Is Your Partner Committed?

 Become Certain Your Relationship
Will LAST ...  

 

... Because Marriage Isn't Marriage Any More

Alexa's Story

"I worked a little later than usual that day. It was a Friday, and things at work were hectic. When I entered the apartment, it was quiet. I said, "I'm home. Sorry to be late." There was no answer. I got scared. Something was wrong. I went into the bedroom to see if he was sick or something, and then I saw his closet was empty. I felt confused and a little nauseated. It just didn't register for a couple of minutes. He was gone. He had left me. I toured the apartment and saw that all of his things were gone. I looked for a note. I didn't find one. Even after the divorce, he never told me why he left. I still don't know. The crazy thing is, I loved him and I thought we had a good marriage."

Mark's Story

"I was away for three days, on a remote job, and when I got home, I saw immediately that my wife was gone, and so were our two girls. She had cleaned out the house of everything that was hers and the children's. I called her parents immediately and they said that she was there. She and the girls had moved back into the room she grew up in. They told me she didn't want to talk to me. It was a week before I got to talk to her and she was cold and distant. I still haven't got a clue why she left."

Taisha's Story

"I was walking down the hall to my apartment, when I heard my daughter's voice in my neighbor's apartment. I stopped and knocked, and my neighbor told me my boyfriend had packed up and left us. She didn't know why. He left the kids with her, and that's all she knew. We never got formally married, but we were together 12 years, and I thought it would be forever. I loved that man. I thought he loved me."

What Do These Stories Have in Common?

Alexa, Mark, and Taisha were suddenly surprised to find their partner gone. They all thought they had happy relationships and loving partners. How could they not have known? I'll answer that later in this letter. 

Imagine how you'd feel if your partner suddenly walked out?

If I could show you an easy, fast, and guaranteed way to make sure that never happened, would you be interested?

If you would, please continue reading.

Why Do I Care about Your Relationship?

Recently, I was coaching a woman who was bright, positive and charming and she said something I'll never forget. "Ken, you care as much about saving my marriage as I do."

I thanked her for her kind words and said, "I suppose it's residual guilt."

March of 1970 

In March of 1970 I decided that I would end my marriage of 16 years. I thought about the timing, with summer coming, my two boys would be out of school, we had a family vacation planned, etc. I decided to leave her in September. I started dieting to get rid of my love handles and I cycled every day to get fit. I suppose I was getting ready for the dating scene.

In September, one evening after dinner, with the boys down for the night, I told my wife our marriage was over and I was leaving. I packed up and left. Why did I go?

I was stupid, young, and ignorant, and I thought anything that was wrong with our marriage was her fault. If I had known then — even a tenth of what I know now — I would be celebrating my 53rd anniversary. Let's call it "divorce because of ignorance."

I soon met and married Shannon, who was in the midst of divorce also. My wife met a man and married him, so we all went our separate ways.

Within a year of marriage to Shannon, I began to realize that I was the one who was lousy at relationships, not my first wife.

We began a lifelong study of relationships

Shannon and I studied everything we could find about relationships. We became certified in Transactional Analysis ("I'm Okay, You're Okay"). We formed a company named KASET Inc. and over the next 20 years created training programs that taught relationship skills to more than a million adults. Companies bought our programs to teach their employees customer relations skills, but of course, the employees used their skills at home with spouses, kids, and extended families.

We got teary letters of gratitude for the marriages that our training saved.

When Training Magazine honored our company for the 4th straight year as the #1 training company in the field of customer relations, someone called us the "Go-to" people in the field of relationships.

We sold the company to a big publishing conglomerate, and in June of 1992, we retired.

Building the company had given us a meaningful life. We'd affected the lives of an uncountable number of people.

In our retirement, we found that tennis, golf, and partying weren't very meaningful.

So, four years ago we began a new mission. We studied everything new that had been discovered about relationships, added it to what we'd learned over 20 plus years, and began creating programs to help couples make their relationships happy and secure.

Our mission is to help keep couples from doing what we did. We want to stop couples from divorcing because of ignorance.

What is it about divorce that makes it so horrible?  

You probably already know that divorce is horrible for the kids, an emotional disaster (especially for the woman), and a financial catastrophe for both partners.

This section is for those poor uninformed people who still see divorce as an easy, harmless, and simple way to get out of an uncomfortable relationship.

Divorce is necessary sometimes. If your partner is physically, emotionally, or sexually abusive, get out. If your partner becomes a criminal or an addict who fails rehab, get out. If your partner develops a severe mental illness that can't be cured by mental health professionals, you may be better off leaving.

I'm talking about people who divorce because they're unhappy, or not satisfied, or feel unloved, or become attracted or infatuated with someone outside the marriage.

We call those voluntary divorces. Those are the ones we can help stop.

Divorce is wrenching punishing, and painful

I'll tell you how we do that in a minute, but first let's be clear that divorce is not a good answer to anything. Divorce is a wrenching, punishing, and painful experience for everyone involved.

Children are hurt the worst. They seem like they handle it okay. They seem to rebound okay, but they are terribly and permanently scarred by having their parents split up. I won't detail how bad it is. If you want to know, type "effects of divorce on children" in a Google search box and read until you decide you could never inflict a voluntary divorce on your children.

The partners suffer a loss of confidence, a reduced ability to trust, and painful emotional scarring. Divorce is a financial disaster for both of the partners. Before you even let divorce enter your mind, do a Google search on "financial impact of divorce." Even if you think it won't hurt you in the near term, couples rarely escape without suffering a huge financial impact.

Extended family, friends, and co-workers are all affected by the divorce of a couple they know, work with and care about. Divorce, at first glance, seems mostly about the partners. But, the effects of divorce ripple widely. Lots of people are hurt.

Why are we so down on divorce?

If you've been through a divorce, like Shannon and I have, you know the incredible pain it causes, to the kids, family and friends. 

So, partly, it's personal.

If you or your partner has suffered through the divorce of your parents, then you know the pain it causes children. You also need to be especially careful in your relationship, because, you're more at risk for divorce than children who grow up with both of their parents.

Children of divorced parents are less likely to marry at all, and if they do marry, they are more likely to be divorced. Some think it's because they became emotionally damaged by the divorce of their parents and are less able to fully love, trust, and commit to their partner.

We are down on divorce because it's so unnecessary

Shannon and I got divorced from our first partners because of ignorance. We didn't know the simple things we needed to know to make a relationship last.

We will celebrate our 37th anniversary this year, so clearly, we have learned how to make a marriage happy and life-long.

Divorce is unnecessary because you can now learn everything you need to know to create a happy, loving relationship that lasts. So can your partner.

We've spent four years, literally seven days a week, pouring everything we know about relationships into training programs that you can take:

• over the Internet
• on your own schedule
• anytime day or night
• in tiny bites 5 to 10 minutes long.

We made everything easy, fast and simple, because we know you don't have any spare time. You're already juggling too many balls.

We thought we were building a training course, but it turned out to be a relationship emergency kit. Our early users discovered the real value in our programs. When we got our training modules completed, and up on the Internet, we began inviting friends, family and other relationship experts to go through our programs.

You know the importance of commitment, don't you?

Because commitment is such an important part of making a relationship last, everything begins with a series on commitment. Here's how that works. Each partner — on his or her own schedule — views a series of videos. The videos teach simple things, like why relationships go bad, how to expand the love in a relationship. It includes videos telling the stories of people who've learned valuable lessons on how to make a relationship last.

Then, you each view a video about commitment, and you each take a quiz where you score yourselves on how committed you are to making your relationship or marriage last. (As of right now.)

Next, you're asked to choose a goal: "How committed would you like to be?"

Back in 1970, between March and September, if I had taken this quiz, I would have rated my present commitment at the lowest level, "One foot out the door, I'm not committed at all."

On the next question, "How committed would you like to be?" I would have chosen the highest goal, because I really wanted a "happy, loving marriage to which I felt totally committed."

In the Commitment module, each partner chooses a goal and writes it down in his or her words in a private journal. We have you do this because if you choose a goal, and write it down, you are vastly more likely to achieve that goal.

Shortly, you'll read some amazing comments by couples who went through the commitment series. The stories blew me away. Maybe they'll blow you away as well.

Some Shocking Estimates

Here are our ballpark estimates of the factors that determine whether a relationship lasts: 

Commitment	40%
Persistent re-commitment	10%
Inoculation against infidelity	10%
Relationship skills	30%
All other	10%

                               

These estimates show that a person can be a complete relationship klutz — without decent relationship skills — and still commit and re-commit to make the relationship last.

The fewer the relationship skills, the less likely the relationship will be happy, but if the individual is firmly committed, it will last.

Even without relationship skills, if a person is inoculated against infidelity, and makes a firm commitment, the relationship is secure.

A Startling Secret

You've read this once already, but it's so important, I'll restate it.

If you choose a goal, and write down that goal,
you increase your chances of achieving that goal enormously.

How we take advantage of that secret

The Commit series asks you — and your partner — to choose a relationship goal and commit to it.

Weekly, each of you will get an email with a tip, story, or reminder to enable you to reaffirm your commitment decision.

This weekly moment of reflection will bring to mind anything in the past week that has brought you closer to achieving your goal.

If something has happened that moved you further from reaching your goal, you have the opportunity to fix it right away to get back on the path.

Each email will also contain something of value to help you keep your relationship happy and secure. You can think of it as continuous recommitment.

Compare this in your mind to the rituals that all people of faith use to renew, rededicate, and restate their faith, in their weekly visits to their church, mosque, or temple. Compare that kind of faith and dedication to those who only show up once a year for the big events.

Your commitment to your relationship may be the single most important commitment you make in life. We help you protect it and keep it in the forefront of your mind.

The World's Most Comprehensive Relationship Training Program

That may sound impressive, but when we designed it and spent four years creating it, we failed to recognize that the couples we serve might not be quite as dedicated to learning about relationships as we were to teaching about relationships.

Relationships are complex (I don't need to tell you that), and to cover every possible relationship issue that might arise was a challenge.

In fact, if you were to start at the beginning and work through the entire series of training modules, you and your partner might spend two or more years learning to create the perfect relationship.

Our friends, family, and early users brought us back to reality. In almost unanimous voice they said, "We don't want to spend two years working on our relationship. We just want to know what we need to know whenever we have a problem."

So they told us how they wanted to use the vast array of information. They wanted to use it as a "Relationship Emergency Kit."

Darlene said, "The commitment series is incredible. Everybody will get a lot out of that. But, then, until there is an urgent problem, a couple shouldn't have to do anything more."

Eddie said, "I want to go to the emergency kit only when Linda and I have a problem."

So, we zigged, zagged and re-organized everything so that:

1. Everything you'll ever need is there and available.

2. You only need the kit when you have a problem.

3. The weekly emails will get your attention when you do have a problem, and prompt you to go to the kit for the solution. That way, an issue can't fester and grow from a molehill into a mountain.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself. The relationship emergency kit is for use after you — or you and your partner — have committed to make your relationship last and be happy. And this letter is about the Commitment Series.

You don't have to answer the questions that follow, about your relationship

How's your relationship going? Is it as happy as you hoped it would be? Do you ever think about divorce or breaking up? Does your partner ever mention separating or divorce?

I know it's not polite to ask somebody those questions. So nobody ever does.

Those questions don't get asked, or discussed. Maybe that's part of the reason marriage is so difficult today. Maybe you're not married. Maybe you're just living together. It's none of my business, really.

Did you realize that more people are living together today than getting married? Does that bother you? It seems marriage has gotten a bad reputation among some people. That's why we use the words marriage and relationship almost interchangeably. They're different, but they are both committed relationships.

When you ask couples why they are living together, and having children together and not marrying, they say that marrying doesn't make a relationship last. Divorce is so common that it doesn't matter whether you're married or not. Do you feel that way?

Partners frequently think about divorce or breaking up

Maybe you think about it sometimes. Do You? Maybe your partner thinks about it sometimes, too.

If you ask your partner, "Do you sometimes think about divorce or breaking up?" What would you expect your partner to say?

What would you say if your partner asked you if you sometimes think about divorce or breaking up? You may not admit it if you did.

Anyway, couples don't often ask those questions. Maybe because they don't think they'd get the truth? Maybe they're afraid of the answer?

You read about Alexa, Mark, and Taisha earlier in this letter and I promised to tell you "How could they not have known?" You've just had the answer. Couples don't ask each other. And, unless they're willing to risk ending the relationship right then, they might lie.

Would You Like Us To Ask Those Questions For You?

The goal of the Commitment Series is to ask you and your partner those tough questions, and both of you will be honest because you don't have to share your answers with your partner.

You'll then answer the question, "Would you like to increase your commitment to your relationship? If so, describe how committed you want to be, and write it down as your goal in your private journal. "

When you're both done, you'll tell each other your goal … not your present state of commitment. It will be one of these choices, or a variant of one of these choices.

1. I re-commit to our relationship. I want it to be happier. I want it to last. I'll do my part to achieve a happier relationship that lasts. (Unconditional commitment.)

2. I have a few issues to resolve. I will work to resolve those issues, and when I do, I will commit to do my part to achieve a happier relationship that lasts. (Conditional commitment and I'm willing to work to resolve certain issues.)

3. I'm not committed to this relationship, and I am not willing to work to increase my commitment or work on the relationship, until you work to make this a happier relationship. (You fix it, then I'll commit.)

4. I'm not committed to this relationship, and I don't think anything could get me to become committed. (Uncommitted and hopeless.)

You might want to Trade Doubt for Certainty

After taking the Commitment Series:

Donna said: "I had no idea my anxieties about divorce were so strong, until they were gone."

Frank said: "I got this surge of relief, erasing that seed of doubt that has always been there."

Carlos said: "I felt like I did when she said 'Yes' to marry me."

Sandy said: "I felt a huge swelling of love. He wants me. He loves me. He'll make it work."

Caroline: "I never realized what a huge weight could be lifted by just asking the questions."

Sam said: "In one moment I went from hoping to knowing. What a difference."

Julia said: "I was so afraid he wouldn't be willing to commit, I almost didn't buy the commitment series. Now I'm thrilled I had the courage."

Sarah said: "Our marriage was going downhill fast. I thought for sure we'd be diving into the emergency kit right away, but just the act of re-committing made us like newlyweds again."

Holly84 said: "Nobody ever asked us 'How's your relationship going?' so we never knew, until you made us ask ourselves those questions."

Jordan said: "The videos got our attention. We realized what a disaster divorce would be for us, the kids and our families. I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't commit. We sure did, and fast."

Sonia said: "We've used the word divorce in our fights sometimes. I worried that he wouldn't commit. We both cried and held each other when we heard each other say we were unconditionally committed."

Steve said: "The commitment thing was so powerful, we're planning on taking it again once a year, just to hear each other say it out loud."

Christen said: "If we don't buy the relationship emergency kit, it will be because the commitment series made us like newlyweds again, and we can't imagine needing emergency help."

Hitachi said: "We just got married. The wedding cost over $18,000. When we saw your ad we realized we hadn't spent a penny to make sure it will last. We bought the emergency kit as insurance. Like any insurance we have, we hope we never have to use it. It's comforting to know it's there."

Paul said: "Her children lived through a bitter divorce. Every time they heard us fight, I could see the fear on their faces. Today, I told them we had bought insurance to guarantee our marriage would last. They were both so excited and happy, my wife and both cried."

Cecelia said: "I didn't have the money to spare, much less for the emergency kit. But, I felt I had to do it because I kept thinking how awful I'd feel if I didn't insure my relationship would last while I had the chance. The commitment experience was so powerful for me, I got 12 of my friends to buy relationship insurance along with me, and your reward for helping my friends more than paid for everything I spent. Thank you for letting me insure my marriage for free."

What if your partner won't commit?  

If you want to commit to a happy relationship that lasts, and your partner says, "No, it's hopeless." You definitely have a relationship emergency.

We have a series of programs specially designed to save your marriage even if your partner has moved out. If your partner starts packing up, you would start with those.

Otherwise, you would dive into the emergency kit and start learning the coping skills you need to transform your relationship. It might take you a little time working alone to get everything you need from the emergency kit, but it's all there for you.

The entire kit was designed just for such emergencies. Between the training modules, the videos and the practices, you'll have what it takes to make the relationship work for you and your partner.

Then, when the time seems right, you can ask your partner to take the commitment series again, and see if you get a different answer.

Once your partner is willing to commit, then your partner will join you going through the emergency kit. 

In that scenario, you will have turned a potential disaster into a working relationship where you both are committed to making the relationship happy and lasting.

How does the Commitment Series work its magic?

We estimate that commitment and regular reinforcement of that commitment will account for half of what it takes to make a marriage last. In addition, we estimate another 10% comes if the partners are inoculated against divorce.

One reason the commitment series is so powerful is that it focuses on getting that commitment. The email series of tips and reminders keeps the partners focused on that commitment, reinforcing it.

A big piece of the commitment series is designed to inoculate the partners against infidelity. You both learn that attraction and infatuation are your enemies, once you're in a committed relationship.

You'll also learn how to break off an infatuation, in case either of you get sucked into one.

In the videos, we teach a little about how to build more love and reinforce the love you have.

We also teach how to avoid hurting the relationship caused by dwelling on bad experiences that create bad feelings.

We put enough into the commitment series to give a couple with good relationship skills a lot of insurance that their relationship will last.

If one or both partners are lacking in relationship skills, they will need the relationship emergency kit to give them complete relationship insurance.

How do I know it will work for me?

If you want to be sure, take this short quiz, and find out. Quiz     

 

You may not realize that working in a relationship is a terrific bargain ...

.. until you consider the cost of a divorce. 

Quoting:  Leah Hoffman in Forbes Magazine

 Nov 17, 2006

"Most divorces these days are nasty, brutish, and all too long. Not to mention damned expensive.

The average cost of a wedding is just under $28,000, according to Conde Nast Bridal Group — double what it was 16 years ago. The average cost of a divorce? 'That's like asking how much a car costs,' says John Crouch, a family law attorney who practices in Arlington, Virginia.

'Divorce proceedings can range anywhere from several hundred to several thousand dollars. Estimates on the average cost of a divorce in the U.S. range from $15,000 to $30,000.'

And that is just the financial cost of the divorce itself. It doesn't take into account the terrible financial impact divorce makes on both partners. If you divorce, each of you will have a severely reduced life style, and reduced long-term financial security. (This makes for a hellish old age.)

When you consider all of the financial damage divorce does,  $197 for relationship insurance becomes an incredible bargain."

Other Quotes gathered from a quick search of the Internet

"For mere mortals who don't have millions at their disposal, divorce can be the one of the most financially devastating events they will ever face.

 This is especially true for women, who are more likely than men to find themselves with financial difficulties after getting separated or divorced. According to the latest U.S. Census figures, 21 percent of recently divorced women were living below the poverty line, compared to only 9 percent of recently divorced men." 

Okay, we've established that the cost of a divorce can be devastating. Are there other ways to protect your marriage against divorce?

Other Ways to Protect Against Divorce

We have a great deal of respect and admiration for all those who labor tirelessly to help couples protect their marriages against divorce.

Marriage Encounter Weekends — put on by a whole range of denominations — are highly recommended. Some are put on by non-profit entities, and don't have a stated price, but instead ask for tax-deductible contributions.

If the idea of a weekend class appeals, just Google "marriage encounter" and you'll find weekend classes of all types. Many use the same curriculum and all will have enthusiastic testimonials from couples who feel they did great things for their marriage.

Many marriage counselors and therapists also offer weekends for couples, and they will have posted prices on their websites.

We considered the idea of adding a weekend class to our offerings, but our survey told us that many couples would find it difficult to find the time where they could spend a whole weekend, and they feared they might have some trouble remembering everything they learned when marital crises arose. The preferred the idea of having what they need available to them immediately, as they need it. That doesn't take anything away from the weekend class approach. It has a long history, and has helped many couples.

Marriage Counselors and Coaches get a bad rap, and it isn't their fault. Marriage counselors tend to be the 'last desperate try' before a couple breaks up. By the time most couples seek a marriage counselor or coach, they are just a tiny step from divorce court, and it's too late. 

When surveyed, divorced couples shared the reasons they hadn't consulted a marriage counselor, or didn't consult one until it was too late.

1. Don't have time.

2. It's not all that bad (denial).

3. We should be able to handle this ourselves.

4. I don't have a problem ... my partner has the problem.

5. I tried it before and it didn't work.

6. We would have to air our most personal and private issues.

7. I'm not willing to change.

8. It's expensive.

None of these are very good reasons for not seeking counseling, but we still did our best to account for each one in the design of our programs.

I feel sorry for the poor marriage counselors who feel helpless to save some of these already ruined marriages when they finally do get the call.

So, if you decide to use a marriage counselor or coach, just remember the horrific costs of divorce and go too early rather than too late.

Would you be surprised if I told you that Relationship-Insurance is faster, easier, and safer than any other marriage protection process?

It's faster, because every piece of our programs was designed to be done in 5 or 10-minute slices of time. So, it recognizes that you and your partner are busy and juggling a lot of balls. The other reason it's faster is because you only need to learn the stuff you need to use. In other words, you won't have to learn how to handle a situation like infidelity unless it arises, in spite of our inoculation. (Hey, even the flu shot only prevents half of the flu cases.) 

It's easier, because you don't have to change and become different from the person you are. Your partner will learn to love and respect you in spite of your flaws or blemishes. You'll also learn to love and respect your partner as your partner is, not how you'd like your partner to be. Both of you deserve to be loved and respected for who and what you are. You shouldn't have to change anything … except for the way you think about your partner.

It's safer, because people find it hard to change. If a marriage preservation process requires that you change in some significant way, it may be riskier than our approach. You'll simply learn to cope with any little glitch or defect in your partner and not let those little things turn from molehills to mountains. And, so will your partner. What could be safer than a process that protects your relationship without requiring one or both of you to change?

                                     

 

P.S. Eliminate any nagging doubts, fears, or worries about divorce. Become certain. 

P.P.S. Click here to view the letter for husbands. You might want to print it out for him. Husband Letter

P.P.P.S. Safer, faster and easier than anything else you would even consider. Order today. If your partner disagrees with your purchase, we'll refund your money immediately. No questions asked. You have no risk, and a huge reward: a happy marriage that lasts. 

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